Voldemort's downfall
by VirginSerpent
Summary: Can you soften a dark lord's heart? Voldemort's old girlfriend has something that might just do that. Written during a bout of insomnia, so it is probably slightly mad...


"…taking over the world. I will delegate tasks only to my most trusted death eaters!" Lord Voldemort rambled.

All of the death eaters had their masks firmly in place to hide the fact that they were all half asleep. It wasn't that they didn't respect and admire their almighty genius of a dark lord or anything. It was just that none of them had the courage to tell Voldemort to shut it about those plans for just five minutes.

With Potter still being alive, it was not as if they could actually just walk out there and claim world dominance. Severus elbowed McNair when his snoring got too obvious. Voldemort didn't seem to notice though. He was completely consumed in yet another one of his own ingenious schemes to rid the universe of Potter, his red eyes now and then lightening up with anger and self-admiration.

Suddenly a loud shriek was heard, and all the death eaters woke with a start – even Crabbe.

"VOLDEMORT!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU RED-EYED PIG???"

It was Voldemort's school time sweetheart, Minerva McGonagall.

Voldemort visibly cringed.

"Minerva… are you here?" he stated, desperately hoping deep down inside that she was just a hallucination caused by those weird potion fumes coming from Severus' room all the time.

McGonagall swelled, and marched right up to Voldemort, pulling out her large purple handbag, and hitting him over the head with it repeatedly.

"NO, Voldie, I am not here! Just like you have been ignoring me for all of these years, wasting your time being halfway dead. How do you think **_I_** felt all that time? No decent sex in thirteen years, mind you! But then you are "reborn" and you come rushing back to my bed thinking I still want to play "bad boy deserves a spanking" with you?! And being the kind-hearted Gryffindor that I am, I stupidly give in, and I even left a nice handprint and everything. AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU LEFT ME TO DEAL WITH? Well, I will tell you!"

From her voluminous robes Minerva pulled out a small bundle, and thrust it at him.

"THAT, my _friend _is YOUR bastard daughter. You are said to be a wee bit powerful, and yet you did not manage to use a bit of magical protection? It has always been me taking care of that ever since 5th year! And here I thought having been dead rendered you infertile. Well, that doesn't seem to be the case! – Anyway, I don't want the little bastard. You will be happy to know that she has your eyes!"

Voldemort freaked for a bit, pulling the blanket away from the baby's face. Whew, no red eyes. They were kinda like his own eyes had been, before he fancied changing the colour to add to his intimidation factor. On a baby however, even Voldemort could see the wrongness of red eyes.

Minerva was already striding away again. She turned around suddenly.

"There will be NO sex for at least a week after this. The kid is yours – I don't ever want to see it again. I expect you to pay me some fucking child support, or I will drag your white beautiful arse to court! ...By the way: finite incantatem." With that she promptly disapparated, lifting the silencing charm on the baby.

A loud shrill scream pierced everybody's ears, and Voldemort stretched his arms out, keeping the offending creature as far away from himself as possible.

"Bella. BELLA!"

Bella scurried forward on her knees.

"Yes, my Lord" she answered, not even sounding sleepy. But then again, she mostly found some sort of sexual pleasure in listening to Voldemort's plans, so she had probably only pretended to pretend that she was not sleeping, and actually listening to his every word, while pretending to pretend that she was not asleep so the other death eaters wouldn't bully her for being an insufferable know-it-all.

"Take it!" Voldemort ordered, handing Bellatrix the baby.

"My Lord…what..?" Bellatrix was clearly terrified of holding the baby.

"What do you want me to do, my Lord?" she said fearfully.

"You're a woman! Make it shut up! You are supposed to know how these things work, you have _instincts_!" Voldemort screamed, causing the baby to scream even louder.

Bellatrix looked at a complete loss for what to do. She was desperately trying to connect to her maternal instincts to satisfy her lord, but in reality she was better at killing children than raising them.

"My Lord?" Goyle stepped forward. "If I may try?"

Voldemort was too horrified to even protest as Bellatrix handed his offspring to Goyle, who did this weird thing; he was pressing the infant to his chest while rocking it, and speaking softly.

_The baby shut up._

Voldemort was amazed. He might have to seriously consider promoting Goyle now.

Some of his other death eaters conjured a small crib next to Voldemort's throne in the large hall at Riddle Manor.

The baby slept and slept and slept. And Voldemort sat watching her. She was kind of pretty, Voldemort thought. And it was OK to think so, he reasoned, because he _did_ create her, so really - admiring her was a selfish act alone and in itself.

He had ordered Severus and Lucius to stay behind when he sent the others home, because he was scared of being alone with the baby. He didn't tell them that that was the reason though. It wouldn't do to spoil his image. He had to think about these things; it was just one of those chores that came along with being a dark lord, he thought to himself, sighing dramatically.

He turned to Lucius and Severus, who were kneeling on the ground, and had been doing that for exactly 3 hours now.

"I think I will name her…Infera. It suits a little girl, don't you think?" he asked them.

They both cringed, but agreed quickly, neither of them feeling like enduring a round of the Cruciatus.

They were excused to go and get some food for Voldemort, but when they came back they found Voldemort cuddling the infant.

"Who is daddy's wittle girl? Is you, Infera. Daddy loves wittle Infera! Does Infera love her daddy? Oh, yes you do!"

Voldemort looked up, his red eyes looking warm for the first time.

"I am sorry! I have not been a good person, but now I have to be a role model too. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused. Please call Dumbledore and Harry here".

Severus was really freaked out, but decided to go and get Albus, because it was time to get an adult's advice.

The three of them came back, Harry looking all moody because of that unfortunate incident with his godfather. Voldemort apologized on his knees for that though, and then he hugged Albus.

"Let's just all be friends ok?" Voldemort said.

And they all agreed that that was a good plan. Voldemort sat down on his throne, pulling Severus onto his lap. He was absently stroking Severus' greasy hair, as he addressed Harry.

"Look, I know I accidentally killed your parents, but I didn't really mean to, and I think we should just forget about that little lapse in my judgement, because really, no child should have to grow up without parents, and if you like I will kill…" Voldemort slammed his hand forcefully into his face, when he realised what he'd just said. "NOO! I won't. Voldemort, be a nice man!...ehh…_sue _your aunt and uncle, and I would just like to say that I would really like to try and make up for past mistakes, and….Harry, I want to adopt you. You can continue to go to Hogwarts, and I will be there with your little sister all the time, because I hear that Hogwarts needs a new Divination Professor, is that not correct Albus?"

Dumbledore smiled. "Oh, yes. I will use my influence to have you cleared of all charges - after all they _are_ minor offences, and then you will be able to teach!" He beamed, his eyes twinkling like mad.

Voldemort smiled his own snake-smile, but no one commented on that, because it is not nice to make fun of people just because they look a little different, as Voldemort would teach his daughter in a few years, when the twisted product of a sickening intercourse between Granger and Weasley came to Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin.

Voldemort stopped smiling, looking slightly pained suddenly. Unless you knew him really well you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between that expression, and his smile, but let's not talk about that since it is not very nice to imply that someone looks like they have a splinter in their arse when they smile.

"But what about Severus? He is an orphan too, now that I have forced him to murder his blood traitor mother…I mean, mother and father. I know he is close to you Albus, having been a loyal spy to you for so long, so if you want to adopt him, I understand, even though I would like to adopt him too".

Dumbledore smirked. YES, he got Severus!!!

"I would be honoured!" he said, as Voldemort handed over Severus, and Dumbledore placed him in his own lap, tickling his neck.

Suddenly they heard sobbing.

"…but…but…what about MEEEE? I don't have parents, either," Lucius cried. Both Dumbledore and Voldemort's hearts went out to Lucius, but in the end they agreed it would be fairer, if Dumbledore got to adopt him, since he only had one child, and Voldemort already had two.

But then Voldemort broke down, when he remembered that he, too, was an orphan.

"Don't worry about it, Voldie. My Gryffindor heart is big enough for three children, and I would be more than happy to adopt you, even though I will have to ground you for up to a month, because you had sex with Minerva without permission. So please, do remember to ask next time, ok?"

Voldemort was thrilled and promised that he would not kill his new father, who was now also the grandfather of Harry and Infera(and Draco), making Lucius and Severus his brothers, Lucius the uncle of Harry and Infera, as well as Severus uncle of Harry and Infera and Draco(who was also his godson).

THE END.


End file.
